Got benefits?

“Institutional practices and ideological beliefs about masculine superiority seem so normal or natural that we’ve learned not to notice when a man’s opinion is taken more seriously than a women’s or that calling a boy a ‘girl’ is considered an insult” (Tarrant, p. 89). I think this is an interesting point that Shira Tarrant makes in her book, Men and Feminism. There are many notions that go unnoticed, simply because we are not looking for discrepancies between women and men as much as we used to in the past, when there was a clearer divide between sexes in the public and private spheres. If we are not consciously aware of the same past issues that still occur in today’s society, we have a greater tendency to ignore the “unearned benefits” of being a present day male. So… what are these benefits (according to Peggy McIntosh)?

1. I can be pretty sure that when I walk down the street, nobody will yell at me about my body or tell me what they want to do with me sexually.

2. I generally feel safe when walking to my car by myself at night, hiking alone in the woods or the mountains, or walking on the beach.

3. I can dress how I want, without people assuming I want to have sex with them.

So how valid are these statements? Do all men REALLY feel this way? Probably not, but I think these are interesting representations of benefits that could be generalized within the male domain. An interesting way to look at these benefits involves applying these statements as if they were directed to women. So, when I relate to these statements, I automatically “disagree” because I have experienced all of these circumstances or been criticized according to these claims. For instance, for number 1, I have probably been yelled at 50+ times throughout my whole life. It’s embarrassing for me, as a woman, to say that. Regarding number 2, I generally don’t feel safe when doing these things, especially walking to my car by myself at night. I rarely feel very confident in my ability to physically defend myself especially when I am alone. And unfortunately, when I am speed-walking to my car, the worst and most automatic thing I can thing I can think of is a man appearing out of nowhere and attacking me…a man. Isn’t that sad? As far as number 3, I struggle with dressing in a way that is appropriate and flattering at times. I don’t want to be called a “slut” or anything of that nature, but dressing very conservatively isn’t my style either. It’s upsetting that women do have to think a lot and even worry about how to be “classy” in their mannerisms, clothing styles, and the like. But what about men…do they have to worry about how they dress in the same sense girls do? Usually they don’t as much as women do.

So I think the best way to describe these three representations of “unearned male benefits” is to say that the frequency in which males have to think or worry about these ideas is less in comparison to women. This doesn’t mean they don’t think about these things in relation to themselves, it just means that these worries may not be as salient to most men as they are to women. And of course there are exceptions for men of different age cohorts, races, sexual orientations, etc.! For instance, I asked a male friend and an older (more father-like) figure about how they felt about these statements. The older person told me a story about how when he was little, an older neighbor tried to coerce him into entering his second-floor apartment and asked him “to watch naked ladies having sex with sexy naked men.” He was barely a teenager when this happened, but was smart enough to deny this man and ran away. But this story affected his response to the first statement. He told me that ever since that occurrence, sometimes he thinks about what would have happened if he went upstairs to the man’s apartment. He said “sexy naked men,” which implies that he could have taken advantage of my friend if he complied with this man’s demands. Scary. My friend also brought up a great point about the little boys who are sexually abused and who do comply with stranger’s demands. These little boys then grow up NOT being “pretty sure” about statement 1. Instead of being “pretty sure,” now, they are SCARED that these things could possibly happen again or that no one would believe their side of the story. Silly children don’t know anything right? WRONG. When asking my younger male friend about the second statement, he said he actually does not feel safe half the time especially when he is home in New York City. “The dangers of walking alone are much greater in a huge city. You never know what will happen to you. You could turn around and have a knife in your face. But in Ithaca, I definitely feel safer doing things by myself.” For statement three, both of my friends admitted that they never really worried about this or could remember a time where they consciously did. This goes to show the variability of responses in only TWO males to only THREE statements! So maybe it’s true… these aren’t really benefits. Maybe they are just common social constructions that are believed to be true. Or are they benefits? What do you think?